


I'm With You

by mywinterbuckybear



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Artist Steve Rogers, Avengers - Freeform, Battling Depression, Crying, Cuddling, Depression, F/M, Helpful Steve Rogers, Low Self-Esteem, Mentions of Anxiety, Seeking Help, Steve helps Reader through some stuff, Steve is great, depressed reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 07:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16949577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywinterbuckybear/pseuds/mywinterbuckybear
Summary: (Request: Hello can you please write story (long please) about reader and Steve… And Reader having depression and Steve helps them…)Basically, Reader is going through a lot and Steve shows them that they're not alone.





	I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> This contains triggers like depression, major angst, lack of self-esteem, mentions of anxiety. Please approach with caution. Thank you.

The mere drag of opening her eyes after a dreamless sleep was enough to long for another few more hours in bed. [Y/N] has lost track of how many times she’s pressed the snooze button on her alarm clock. She didn’t feel like getting out of bed, dread filled her insides just thinking of the day in front of her.

[Y/N] sat up her bed, leaning on the headboard. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her mind was screaming for her to stay in bed, that she wouldn’t cause any problems if she did. But another voice willed her to get up, reminding her not to be a burden to her friends.

“You can do this,” [Y/N] whispered to herself, taking another breath to calm herself and try to push back her thoughts.

“You can do this,” she repeated before opening her eyes, getting ready for another day.

* * *

“Hi, guys,” [Y/N] greeted as cheerfully as she can to everyone in the kitchen which wasn’t even much.

The only people there was: Natasha who was cooking, Steve who was sitting on the table eating cereal and a half-asleep Tony Stark sipping on his cup of coffee. Vision and Wanda was most likely doing something together somewhere in the tower while Bucky and Sam were sent to a mission with Clint two days ago.

“Wow, our resident morning person is later for breakfast than I am,” Tony muttered to his coffee, walking towards the door to get back to his lab. [Y/N] forced out a chuckle.

“Shut up,” she grumbled, making Tony laugh and mumble his greeting before leaving the room.

[Y/N]’s head turned to see Steve glancing up to her. She felt her chest sink when she remembered that she was supposed to meet Steve early for today for a run. “I just had a nice dream,” she explained, giving an apologetic smile.

[Y/N] was anxiously waiting for his reply, before Steve just chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled out the chair next to him.

“Good morning, [Y/N],” he greeted with that smile he always had that calmed her in an instant.

“Morning, Stevie,” [Y/N] greeted back, sitting right beside him.

Steve smiled before pushing the cereal bowl towards [Y/N], wordlessly asking if she wants some. [Y/N] leaned forward, taking a bite, only now realizing how empty her stomach was that even the bland and grainy cereal Steve eats felt like relief.

Steve took this moment to observe [Y/N]. He knew she had overslept once she didn’t show up for their run. She had this habit of either sleeping too much or not at all that she never talks about but he could tell. “[Y/N]?”

“Hmm?” She hummed, snapping out of her thoughts, leaning back to look at Steve who narrowed his eyes as if he was looking right through her. [Y/N] suddenly felt her stomach drop, waiting for his next words.

“Nothing.” Steve waved it off, dismissing himself. But it only made her bite her tongue.

“For someone who had a nice dream, you don’t look like you slept well,” Steve joked right after, offering a quick smile.

“Oh.” [Y/N] stopped her hand from instinctively touching the obvious bags under her eyes. She shook her head and let out a laugh. “I was just up reading a good book,” she reasoned, already pushing the subject out of her mind.

“What’s it about?” Steve raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested about [Y/N]’s story that it got her by surprise. She sputtered, not knowing what to say.

“Porn,” [Y/N] blurted out before she could even think it through.

Steve’s eyes bulged a little in shock and [Y/N] was about to take it back once it registered in her mind but an amused chuckle stopped her.

“Yeah, that sounds like our [Y/N],” Natasha laughed, placing a plate of eggs and bacon in front of [Y/N] before taking a seat and eating her own food. Steve let out a quick chuckle before shrugging, thinking it was an inside joke.

[Y/N] kept her mouth shut, poking the eggs on her plate with a fork. Steve and Natasha was having a small talk, one that she tuned out. She really didn’t feel like eating but she didn’t want to be rude to Natasha who even cooked for her.

[Y/N] was so deep into her thoughts that she didn’t hear Steve calling her name. “[Y/N]?” Steve repeated, glancing worriedly at her since she had been blankly staring at her food for a while.

“Yeah?”

“We have a mission later this afternoon, have you read the report yet?” Steve asked, sending a new wave of thoughts in her mind.  _That mission._

“Oh. Is that today?” She titled her head, acting a bit confused as she bit on her bacon.  _Yes, it is. And I know that because it’s what kept me up all night._

“Yeah, you forgot?”  _I wish I can._  [Y/N] just shrugged and offered a sheepish smile to Nat’s question.

“That must’ve been some book,” Natasha teased as she snorted.

[Y/N] could feel the worry bubbling in the pit of her stomach as she thought about it. That report was given to her exactly a week ago. She thought it could be something that could keep her occupied but the more she read, the more she felt anxious. She knew it’s been a while since her last mission that went smoothly.

“It’s a quick one,” Steve reassured, sensing her uneasiness. “It’s just a simple collect info assignment. Get in then get out.”

Natasha hopped in on it. “Yeah, trust me, you don’t even need to remember what someone was blabbering about in that meaning.”

“I happened to be the one ’ _blabbering_ ’ in  _that_  meeting,” Steve spat back to which Natasha just winked and took her empty plate to the sink.

Steve just shook his head,[Y/N] was looking at Steve, stare blank as if she was looking for something.

“Don’t worry, [Y/N],” Steve whispered, giving off that calming vibe he always seemed to possess. “Everything’s going to turn out fine.”

[Y/N] only nodded, having no idea what to answer.  _Not until I inevitably find a way to mess up, that is._

* * *

“I told you to stay on your post.”

Steve was pacing back and forth the quinjet. If anyone could see him now, they’ll most likely ask what did the person do to piss him off this much. He was getting red in the face and [Y/N] could see how much he wants to shout at her.

“If you followed my orders, this wouldn’t have happened,” Steve scolded coldly, stopping right in front of [Y/N] like a heavily disappointed parent.

“It was fine, Steve,” [Y/N] just sighed, not sure of why Steve was making such a big deal of this. “I got the extra info. That’s what matters-”

“No, it’s not!” Steve shouted, his voice boomed over her own. Even Natasha all the way on the pilot’s seat almost flinched. [Y/N] could only look down, not having it in her to look him in the eye, hand still holding her injured shoulder.

“You’ve almost gotten yourself killed!” Steve pointed out, his words unconsciously getting harsher. He only realized he raised his voice when he saw [Y/N] flinch at his tone.

Steve’s whole stature softened. He sighed, running a hand down his face. He wasn’t angry, maybe he was or maybe he was just frustrated, but it wasn’t aimed at her. It was just that scene in his head kept playing over and over again. How [Y/N], without any precautions, ran into the line of fire just for a measly few more intel, how she completely tuned out his instructions to stay and follow the plan, how she could be shot several times if he wasn’t fast enough.

“[Y/N]. If I wasn’t there, maybe you would’ve been,” Steve explained, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He glanced at [Y/N], hoping for a reaction but there was none. She only kept her stare blank to the ground. Steve sighed. “If you just didn’t abandon your post-”

“I know, Steve,” [Y/N] interrupted sharply, cutting Steve off. “I messed up, I know.”

“I jeopardized the whole mission and placed everyone in danger because I don’t listen. I get it,” she spat, her teeth clenched. She swallowed the dryness in her throat but it proved to be useless because her voice still cracked.

“Can we just leave it at that?”

Steve didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t find the right words. All his anger just disappeared in a flash. He watched [Y/N], hoping he’d catch her eyes but she still kept them down.

Steve pursed his lips, knowing it was his fault. He should’ve never let his anger get to him. He knew [Y/N] was just doing what she thought was best. He knew he would’ve done the same if he was in her shoes. But he knows he couldn’t take those words back.

Steve settled with sitting right across of [Y/N]. She kept to herself, even insisting on patching herself up. Steve also knew that she was in pain, judging by how she still kept pressure on her wound.

“How’s your shoulder?” Steve asked, worried. He sat up, reaching towards a new gauze, hoping to help. “Do you need-”

“It’s fine,” [Y/N] snapped, instantly stopping Steve right in his tracks. Steve glanced at her, speechless. That’s when [Y/N] looked up to meet his eyes.

“Really, Steve,” she insisted, much softer this time. “It’s just a graze.”

[Y/N]’s fingers wrapped around the area, her glance falling again as she muttered, “like you said, it was good that you were there.”

“I’ll do better next time,” she whispered to herself.

If Steve didn’t have enhanced hearing, he knew he wouldn’t have heard it. And he didn’t know if he was supposed to be glad that he did. Steve felt those words hit him, almost as if he held himself personally responsible. He bit his lip, knowing better than to interrogate [Y/N] for it. She needed her time.

Steve only walked towards the nearby medical kit, pulling out a bottle of painkillers and taking one bottled water with it. He placed the two by [Y/N]’s side. “Here,” Steve offered gently. “That’ll help.”

[Y/N] doesn’t say anything so Steve took that as a sign to leave, making his way to Natasha to give [Y/N] her space. [Y/N] eyed the bottle of painkillers but ultimately deciding to ignore it. She appreciated the gesture but she doesn’t take one. Why would she? They don’t work anymore.

It doesn’t take long before they landed back in the compound. The three parted, deciding to make their reports about the mission in their own time. Steve saw as [Y/N] headed straight for the office to file her report, not even going to the kitchen for a quick snack like she and Natasha always do.

“[Y/N]?” Steve called, stopping her in her tracks. She turned around, facing Steve with a blank stare.

Steve pursed his lips, eyes darting towards her wound then back to her. “Are you okay?”

There was a bit of silence as Steve patiently waited for [Y/N]’s answer, maybe an honest one. But all he got was a soft chuckle and a gentle smile. “I’m perfectly fine.”

* * *

 

Steve had been incredibly restless for the past hour. He couldn’t get [Y/N] and her words out of his mind. Natasha advised him to let it go, that [Y/N] would need some alone time. She needed to recover from the mission. But Steve couldn’t calm himself. There was just something that didn’t sit well with him.

Steve turned the corner and just in time, he saw [Y/N] heading for the elevator. The woman only finished her report a few minutes ago and already planned on retreating to her room. She didn’t even notice Steve until she heard her name in his voice. “[Y/N]?”

[Y/N] stopped, just before her finger can push the button of the elevator. She could feel as Steve walked closer towards her. She sighed before turning around to face the obviously worried captain. “Where are you going?” Steve asked.

[Y/N] shrugged as she smiled. “I’m gonna turn in early today, Steve.”

“My muscles are pretty sore,” she reasoned, gesturing to her shoulder, hoping that that was enough for Steve but it was nowhere near that.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked again, licking his lips as he kept his eyes on her, brows furrowed. “Vision and Wanda made dinner for everyone,” he filled in.

Steve walked closer and gave the most welcoming smile he could. “Let’s go.”

“I’m gonna have to pass,” [Y/N] mumbled almost instantly, seeing as the smile on Steve’s face fell at her words. “I don’t really feel like eating,” she added, pressing the button for the elevator.

“But you love Wanda’s cooking?” Steve asked right after, completely confused and anxious. [Y/N] had always expressed her love for Sokovian food, especially if it was Wanda. She also used to eat a lot after a mission but nowadays, he couldn’t remember the last time she ate a hearty meal. It wasn’t like her.

[Y/N] sucked in a breath as the elevator door opened. She went inside, ignoring the worried look on Steve’s face. She glanced up to him and smiled a bit. “Maybe next time, I’m just really  _really_  tired.”

Steve stared at her a moment, his brows stayed furrowed as he decided that something  _was_  wrong. Instead of pushing [Y/N] for an answer, he stepped back and smiled instead. “I’ll save you a plate then.”

“Only if it’s good,” [Y/N] joked as she winked.

Steve chuckled, shaking his head before he waved. “Okay, goodnight.”

“Night.” [Y/N] nodded, keeping her eyes bright and directed at him until the doors of the elevator closed on the two.

The short ride to her floor was quick but it took its toll on her. The quiet surroundings was there again and the sunken feeling in her chest made itself known. [Y/N] took a deep breath but it did nothing.

[Y/N] entered her room and closed the door, not bothering to turn on the lights. She sat on her bed and in an instant, everything that happened crashed into her. “Damn it,” she muttered.

[Y/N] placed her hand on her chest, trying to do anything to relieve the numb pain situated there. “Fuck.”

“Why do I always let this happen,” she muttered to herself, pulling her legs to her chest.

“I almost got everyone killed.” [Y/N] closed her eyes and that damn scene kept playing over and over in her head. Steve jumped to her rescue, blocking most of the gunshots she should’ve taken. He could’ve been shot. Natasha could’ve gotten hurt. The mission could’ve failed. If only she could stop meddling. “Why can’t I listen?”

Just the idea of anyone getting hurt because of her stupid actions was enough to make her sick to her stomach. “Why do I keep dragging everyone down with me?”

[Y/N] didn’t even realized she started crying. She hugged herself, subconsciously trying to make herself smaller as if that would solve her every problem. If only it was that easy. “Why can’t I do anything right?”

[Y/N] stayed there, sobbing quietly to herself. The numb pain in her chest worsened and she knew no amount of pressure could relieve it. Her mind wouldn’t stop replaying her mistakes, not letting her forget, even for a second. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t realize the door was open.

The soft clink of a plate on a table was what snapped her out of it. [Y/N] glanced up, shock transforming her face when she saw who it was. “Steve.”

[Y/N] hurriedly started to wipe the tears from her face as Steve walked towards her, a blank expression settled on his face. “Hey, what- what are you doing here-” she sniffled out, putting up a smile, trying to seem as normal as she could with fresh tears staining her cheeks.

[Y/N] maintained the smile as Steve sat beside her. She wished that he didn’t see anything but she knew he did. Now that he was closer, she could see the worry and pity brimming from Steve’s eyes despite his flat expression. [Y/N] tried to chuckle and pass it off as a joke but Steve already reached forward and wrapped his arms around her.

[Y/N] froze. She didn’t know what to do. She certainly didn’t anticipate this reaction from him. She couldn’t move. “S-Steve?” She asked.

“[Y/N], it’s okay,” Steve spoke out, keeping his arms around her. One of his hands were on her neck, the other was around her waist to keep her close. “You can go on.”

“It’s okay,” he reassured gently, wanting to calm her with his words.

[Y/N] didn’t know how to react to it. She never had this. She started to struggle, trying to get out of Steve’s hold to reason. “Steve, I don’t- I- I don’t-”

“I’m sorry,” Steve apologized, his breath fanning over her ear. [Y/N] stiffened at his words.

“Is this about what happened earlier?” Steve continued, feeling the guilt run through him as he held her close. “I’m telling you, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry for what I said. I was just so worried about you,” Steve confessed. Seeing [Y/N] wounded was hard but seeing her cry was a whole smothering thing. If he only knew, then he would’ve held his tongue. “I never wanted to see you hurt. I’m sorry-”

“No,” [Y/N] interrupted, letting her hands fall to her sides. Steve’s hold around her faltered. He pulled away, brows furrowed deeply as he gazed down at her. She had her head down, her jaw lightly clenched as the words got caught in her throat. “It’s me.”

“The problem’s me,” she choked out, clenching her jaw together as her eyes began to tear up. “It’s always me.”

“It’s always here.” [Y/N] began to shake a little, hand going up to put pressure on her numbing chest but it does nothing. She shook her head. “It just won’t go away.”

“I really really try but-” her hand softened up as tears began flowing freely down her cheeks. She stared blankly, knowing full well that it was no use. “But it’s still here,” she whispered hopelessly.

The silence in the room was deafening, so much that [Y/N] almost forgot that she wasn’t alone. As she took a shaky breath, her eyes grazed back to Steve. The man was looking down at her, furrowed bows and a frown with a hurt expression clouding his face. And it was then when she felt like she was doused with ice cold water. She started to panic.

“I’m sorry,” [Y/N] shakily apologized. She started to wipe her tears while sitting up straighter. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not supposed to see me like this,” [Y/N] muttered, wiping her cheeks again and again, desperately trying to look presentable. Steve could only stare at her. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not usually like this,” [Y/N] chuckled though it was obviously forced. She smiled, hoping it was enough for Steve. She shook her head, hoping to convince him. “This is just a bad day for me,” she tried to reason but her voice cracked.

[Y/N] closed her eyes after that, knowing the error she made. She fluttered them open, only to be filled with tears. She gave up. “I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t. I’m so sorry-”

“[Y/N],” Steve interrupted, enough to snap her out. She looked up, only to see his eyes brimming with tears of his own. He placed his hands gently on her cheeks, making her instinctively cling onto his arms. “You don’t have to be.”

“[Y/N], you don’t have to feel sorry for what you’re feeling.” Steve kept his eyes on her, not letting them stray for a second. “I understand.”

[Y/N] let herself be held. She placed her gaze down, keeping her hold on Steve. Steve kept her focus on her, his heart clenching at the sight. He couldn’t help but blame himself. He should’ve been more observant. He should’ve seen the signs. He could’ve helped.

Steve reached forward and pressed his lips softly on her forehead. It was the only thing he could think of. [Y/N] didn’t flinch nor pull away. Instead, she  She focused on his breathing as well as hers as she slowly calmed down from his words.

“I’m here,” Steve muttered to her skin. “Everyone’s here, for you.”

Steve pulled away, just enough so he could look [Y/N] in the eye. “You’re not alone, okay?”

[Y/N] sucked in her lips. Staring at Steve’s eyes, ones who were filled with genuine concern, she nodded.

Steve let a soft smile form his lips, blinking away the few tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “I’m going to help you,” he promised all of a sudden.

Despite the shock from his words, that’s when [Y/N] stepped in. “Steve,” she croaked out, hoping to convince him out of that but Steve pulled through.

“I may not understand what you’re feeling right now, but I want to help.”

“You don’t have to be alone on this,” Steve explained, not breaking eye contact. He knew what it felt like to be alone, maybe even worse than that. So he’s not going to let someone important to him experience that if he can do anything to about it.

Steve let a shaky laugh. “Because I’m with you till the end of the line.”

[Y/N] couldn’t stop the strangled laugh from erupting from her throat. “That’s-” a smile broke out from her lips as she fought the tears away. “That’s yours and Bucky’s line,” she laughed.

“Yeah. We’re adding you to it.” Steve nodded, breaking into a grin of his own, relived to see a genuine smile on [Y/N]’s face again. “It’s official.”

[Y/N] shook her head, trying to calm her laughing. She knew she must’ve looked insane, to cry while giggling but she couldn’t stop. “You can’t do that. You haven’t even asked him yet.”

“I don’t have to.” Steve shrugged as he continued to grin. “I already said it. So I can’t take it back now.”

Steve’s words had a tone of apology but she knew better what he meant. Steve was trying to make her laugh and it worked. She could see his sincerity from his actions and how he was still waiting for her approval. [Y/N] smiled up at him before she nodded once. “Okay.”

Steve smiled back, relieved. He pecked his lips on her forehead before reaching forward and engulfing her in a tight embrace. They stayed in that position for a while. Steve was more than okay with staying as much as [Y/N] needed. But she just wanted to ask.

“Why did you come?”

“Maternal instincts,” Steve answered almost instantly, making [Y/N] snort before becoming quiet.

[Y/N] pulled away, brows furrowed and face filled with curiosity. “Really?”

He chuckled, gesturing to the bowl placed on the table. Although it was getting cold, the aromatic spices used on the dish was slowly enveloping the room. “The food was really good,” Steve complimented.

“So, I thought that no matter how tired you were, you’d want some,” he explained, a half smile forming in his lips. “And that you deserved it.”

[Y/N] swallowed the excess spit in her mouth. “Oh.” The reason Steve saw her like that was because of Wanda’s cooking.

“I just didn’t think I’d arrive at a bad timing,” Steve joked, letting out a soft chuckle, only to be corrected.

“No,” [Y/N] interrupted, holding Steve’s full attention. “This is just what I needed.”

[Y/N] swallowed thickly, her hold on his arm tightened a bit as anxiety slowly gripped her. She just wanted to say it. “Thank you,” she muttered lowly.

[Y/N] was anxiously waiting for Steve’s words, whether it was good or not, she wanted to hear them. But instead, he only smiled and hugged her again, pressing her to his chest. “I’m right here, [Y/N]. And I promise, I’m going to help,” he whispered.

[Y/N]’s body calmed at his words. She slowly melted into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him as well. She didn’t even notice the tears invading her vision. She felt safe. [Y/N] didn’t even know if Steve was serious in that offer. But at that moment, it was exactly what she needed to hear.

* * *

“[Y/N]~”

“[Y/N],” the gentle voice repeated, along with soft nudges by her shoulder. She shut her eyes extra tight, hoping the nuisance would just bug off but it didn’t. Instead, it started to laugh.

“[Y/N], Wake up,” Steve laughed as she cracked open one eye to see who it was. Surprisingly enough, it was a bright and happily smiling Steve Rogers sitting by the foot of her bed, waiting patiently for her. “Wake up. We have to go for a jog.”

“Steve?” [Y/N] muttered as she sat up from her bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s time to wake up, if we go now, we can still reach breakfast on time.”

[Y/N]’s brows furrowed at that. So she glanced at the window; the sunlight was already peeking over her blinds so she glanced at her alarm clock by her bed.

It was about seven o'clock in the morning. She knew it was already too late for Steve’s usual jogging routine. He would usually wake up at five for his cardio before going to the gym so this is way past his schedule. He must’ve waited for her.

“But,” she started, feeling tremendously guilty to have to say this. She didn’t want to be the reason why he broke his cycle. “I don’t like jogging,” [Y/N] reasoned lowly.

Steve shrugged nonchalantly, not letting those words phase him by a bit. “A walk then.”

“Steve,” [Y/N] sighed, feeling that he would be stubborn about this. She already told him that she can do without his help, that he didn’t need to waste any of his time with her. But he was persistent. He only smiled, patiently waiting until she just gave up.

“Fine,” [Y/N] huffed, knowing that Steve wasn’t going to take no for an answer at this subject. She kicked the comforter away, standing up from the bed and feeling the usual drag on her body but pushing through. “Let me just take a quick shower,” she muttered to which Steve nodded to.

As soon as the hot water hit her body, [Y/N] was wide awake, not energized because that was another thing. Her mind was too occupied. She was surprised to see Steve here honestly. She didn’t really thought he’d go through with it. [Y/N] just figured he’d forget about it in the morning.

Once [Y/N] got back from the shower, drying her hair, she saw Steve raking his eyes curiously over her bookshelf. All his focus was directed on the neatly stacked books that he didn’t even notice her until she cleared her throat.

“Looking for something?”

Steve nodded, eyeing a few novels he was betting on. He took one to his hand, scanning over the summary at the back. “Yeah. A book. The one you liked reading.”

That’s when [Y/N] stiffened. Steve noticed instantly, the book in hand long forgotten as his full focus was placed on her. He furrowed his brows, silently asking her about her reaction. [Y/N] swallowed.

“Oh. That’s- that was,” she stuttered not sure of how she should break it to him, “um, not true.”

“I haven’t actually read for a while,” [Y/N] added quickly, sitting by the foot of the bed.

“But why? You love reading?” Steve asked, placing the book back to the shelf.

“None of the books I have interested me anymore, I guess.” [Y/N] shrugged nonchalantly as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It was true that she never even started some of those books but that was normal. Reading just wasn’t what it used to be for her.

Steve nodded, soaking in that new information. He looked focused, too focused in fact. It was as if he was solving some kind of complex problem in his mind.

[Y/N] was about to say something, not wanting Steve to waste all his energy for something stupid like this. But he suddenly lit up. “That’s great,” Steve blurted out, a small smile forming in his lips.

[Y/N] was taken back. “What?”

Steve quickly realized his error, immediately shaking his head as he walked closer to [Y/N]. “No, no no, I meant…” Steve smiled, the idea perfectly forming in his mind. “Instead of a jog, do you want to go to the bookstore?”

Just like that, plans were changed. Steve was going all out, dismissing his daily routines. [Y/N] wasn’t sure what to think of it. “Steve, you don’t have to-”

“I need new supplies anyways. I ran out of paint and my sketchbook is already full,” he filled in, innocently making up his own excuses. “We can look for books while we’re there if you want.”

“But it’s up to you,” Steve added, not wanting her to feel too pressured although she could already feel his excitement through the air.

[Y/N] stared at Steve for the longest while, studying him almost. He didn’t let the look in his eyes falter one bit. [Y/N] just snorted once she realized. “You’re really not giving up.”

“Not even close.”

* * *

 

It didn’t take long before the two were on their feet, walking down the streets of New York. The walk to the bookstore was rather delightful. Although they didn’t talk much ok the way there, Steve gave off this calming presence that [Y/N] more than appreciated.

Once they reached the store, the two got to picking out the art supplies Steve needed. Occasionally Steve would be asking [Y/N] about which better pencils he should buy even though she knew he knew much better than she did. He took her opinions to heart and bought the ones she liked, complimenting her judgment.

The man was true in his words that he’d help her pick out books. He’d personally recommend ones he thinks she would like. They went through every genre; Steve patiently helping her to find which books would peak her interest. It was obvious that he was really trying. And [Y/N] couldn’t be anymore thankful.

“You can look now,” Steve finally told after a few minutes.

The two didn’t feel like going home just yet. Steve wanted to try his new materials and [Y/N] suggested if he wanted to try the park. He agreed but she thought he’d be sketching the trees or maybe capture the scene of children having fun.

[Y/N] didn’t think Steve would ask her to stay still for a few moments so he could draw her. But nonetheless, she agreed.

[Y/N] waited patiently, finally moving her neck freely to see the picture Steve drew that he was obviously so proud of and excited to show. As she saw the sketch, her heart sunk.

Steve had drawn her incredibly accurate despite only having a few minutes with a pencil on paper. Every detail was on point, to the curve of her hips, the delicateness of her fingers, the shape of her face, the flatness of her smile and up to her blank stare. [Y/N] felt herself sunk. Steve perfectly captured her.

 _Did she look that tired?_  [Y/N] thought to herself as she narrowed her eyes at the picture. She stopped her hand from instinctively touching her face. She knew Steve paid attention to every detail because it felt as if she was staring back at a mirror.

“What do you think?” Steve asked, knocking [Y/N] out of her chaotic thoughts. She glanced up to him before her eyes fell back to the drawing, not even bothering to give him a smile.

“It’s… beautiful,” [Y/N] breathed out, eyes trained to the picture before her. It was true. Steve was a great artist. But he could see that wasn’t everything.

“It is,” Steve agreed, studying over [Y/N]’s reaction, taking notes of how her mood changed.

“I think I should frame this actually,” Steve piped up, gesturing over the drawing. He shrugged, hoping to gauge a positive reaction. “Probably one of my best works.”

Steve tried to cheer up at moment but [Y/N] didn’t hear a word he said. She was too far gone. She was listing down every wrong she could see, somehow it was worse than what she could do in her alone time. Maybe because that sketch was how exactly Steve saw her, and she could see all her flaws. It didn’t sit well.

“Is there anything wrong with it?” Steve asked lowly, ripping away [Y/N]’s attention from the piece of paper. She could just hear the worry radiating from his tone. She shook her head.

“No, no, it’s great,” [Y/N] defended, starting off her sentence cheerful. She glanced back down at the picture and the bright smile she had faltered by a bit. “You perfectly captured me,” she whispered.

“That doesn’t sound like you think it’s a great thing.”

[Y/N] gazed back at Steve who was offering a soft smile, wordlessly telling her that it would be okay if she tells him. [Y/N] pursed her lips, eyes flickering to the drawing before landing back at him. [Y/N] just shrugged.

“I just didn’t know I looked this sad,” [Y/N] confessed with a sigh, a frown settling on her lips.

Steve’s brows furrowed as he too stared back at his creation. He’d be lying if he were to say that he didn’t see that. It was there: [Y/N]’s sadness, radiating off of the paper. He didn’t hesitate to draw what he saw, it would be unfair on her side. But there was one thing he was sure. It was truly beautiful.

“We can work on that,” Steve spoke out after a while, having [Y/N] glance up to him. He handed over the sketch to her which she accepted, handling it as if it were treasure. “Baby steps,” Steve added.

[Y/N] let her eyes take over the details of the drawing again before glancing back up again at Steve. “Okay.”

Steve chuckled, placing his hand on hers, caressing her skin with his thumb. [Y/N] leaned over to him, resting head on his shoulder. The two shared a moment of silence, appreciating the quiet surroundings until Steve pointed out. “But you have got to admit it’s a great drawing.”

[Y/N] snorted.

Right after the park, the two decided to walk back together to the tower side by side. With their bought items in hand, they comfortably talked as [Y/N] agreed to entertain Steve’s questions as much as she could.

“Do you take medication for it?”

“I used to.”

“Have you sought for help? From a professional?” Steve asked carefully.

[Y/N] paused. “No…”

Steve nodded, giving her his full attention. “Are you willing to?”

[Y/N]’s steps wavered, almost stopping midstride. It has came across her mind but she never really had the chance to think it though. “I’m- I’m not sure yet.”

Steve glanced at her, seeing the clear uncertainty laced with fear in her eyes. He nodded. “In time then,” he ended.

“Ice cream?” Steve suddenly pointed, making [Y/N] turn to see a quaint ice cream parlor shoppe. Steve took [Y/N]’s hand in his, effectively grabbing her attention enough for her to answer.

“Yeah,” she stuttered, almost instantly being pulled by an enthusiastic Steve Rogers , talking about how ice cream changed so much over the years that it immediately took her thoughts away from the conversation.

* * *

 

The day seemed to pass by quickly as the two spent the day together. By the time they decided to get back to the tower, it was almost time for dinner. They stayed together, talking about random things until they parted for the night.

Currently, [Y/N] was already in bed with a new book in hand. Steve made her promise to at least read five pages a day if possible. Naturally, she reached over and tried to immerse herself in the pages to keep herself busy but it wasn’t that hard. The book Steve recommended was actually interesting.

She was just about to continued to the next chapter until a gentle knock on the door interrupted her. [Y/N] put down the book on her lap, confused on who was awake at this time. More importantly, on why anyone would be going for her in that matter in the middle of the night.

“[Y/N]?” The voice asked through the door. Although slightly muffled, it was fairly obvious who it was. “It’s Steve.”

[Y/N] was a bit surprised, also a little confused. She didn’t think he’d stop by. “Come in.”

The doorknob slowly turned as Steve tried to open the door as careful as he could as to not make to much noise. “Hi,” Steve greeted, standing awkwardly.

“Hi,” [Y/N] greeted back, placing the book on the nightstand.

Even with the dim lights, Steve was smiling over to [Y/N] who smiled back, though it didn’t last when a look of confusion clouded over her features. She narrowed her eyes and even tilted her head, staring at the object Steve have in his hands.

“What’s with the pillow?” [Y/N] nodded over.

“Oh, right…” Steve trailed, glancing at the pillow in his hand. He pursed his lips, nervously shifting from foot to foot. [Y/N] could just severe the anxiety from him so she raised an eyebrow at him, coaxing him to telling.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Steve asked, his voice gentle and careful as he waited for any kind of response from [Y/N] but she was stunned.

[Y/N] blinked back, trying to understand. She could see how genuine Steve was and how he only have good intentions at heart but she couldn’t help but feel like she was taking an advantage of him.

“This is about me, isn’t it?” [Y/N] asked lowly. Just as she said those words, the hopeful smile on Steve’s face fell. He immediately realized his error. He opened his mouth to give his reason but [Y/N] beat him to it.

“Steve, I appreciate the gesture, I do, but you don’t have to go to these odds for me,” [Y/N] started, wanting Steve to understand that he didn’t have to go out of his way for her.

Steve stared back at her, nodding, most likely thinking of what to do. [Y/N] thought Steve was deciding to leave until he started. “I heard that this sort of things can get worse when the person is alone and at nighttime and that hugs releases endorphins so I thought…” Steve trailed as he whispered.

[Y/N] was left completely stumped. She felt her throat dry out as Steve’s words registered in her mind. “You did some… research?”

Steve sucked his lips in before he shrugged. “They said cuddles could work.”

[Y/N] was left to stare at Steve in disbelief. She blinked a few times, feeling dumb for a moment until she realized it wasn’t any less of Steve. Honestly now, she felt like laughing.

Steve saw the shift in her mood and that ghost of a smile didn’t escape his eyes. Steve smiled a little, a hopeful expression brightening his face. “So… can I?”

[Y/N] stared at Steve for a moment, almost surprising a chuckle. Instead of an answer, [Y/N] pulled the comforter from beside her.

Steve’s face brightened at her response. He almost looked like an excited child being told yes for the first time. He settled his pillow next to [Y/N]’s, getting inside the comforter himself and resting on his side, facing her.

[Y/N] laid back as well, resting on her side to face Steve. The two shared a quick smile, trying to push the awkwardness away. Steve’s face relaxed as he watched her and opened his arms, an invitation for her to come closer.

[Y/N] hesitated for a second, but one glance at Steve, her doubts immediately melted away. She inched closer to him, until she was inches away from his chest before Steve carefully placed his arm around her, gently pulling her plush to his chest.

“Is this okay?” Steve asked while [Y/N] felt blood rush up to her face, her whole body tensing up. She took a few seconds, taking deep breaths, being hit by his calming scent.

[Y/N] nodded, placing her arms around his torso, engulfing herself in his body heat, her words slightly muffled. “You know you really didn’t have to do this,” [Y/N] muttered, causing Steve to chuckle.

“I wanted to.”

[Y/N] couldn’t surprise the smile from breaking out of her lips. “So do I,” she mumbled.

The two stayed quiet, immersing themselves in each other. Steve’s calming presence enveloped [Y/N], she could already feel the drag of sleep when at most times, it would never come this easy. She just felt at home.

“Steve?” [Y/N] muttered, cutting through the silence. Steve opened one eye, almost on the verge on sleep himself. “Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

Steve was taken back, suddenly fully awake. He gazed down at the woman in his arms, only to find that [Y/N] was already fast asleep. He couldn’t stop the smile on his face.

Steve reached forward, pressing his lips softly to her forehead, content, knowing that someday, he’ll be able to draw [Y/N] with a genuine smile. And he would be there for her every step of the way.

“Anything for you, [Y/N].”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This has been requested for a while (sorry about that). It was a struggle to write this one because it really hit home for me. This may not be the most accurate piece but I hope it may suffice. Everyone has different symptoms with depression and no one should feel like theirs are any less. Just remember that there are people out there who loves you, will care for you and will help you. Thank you for reading.


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